CNN reported yesterday that the Mitt Romney Campaign disclosed that his net worth was between $84 Million and $256 Million. Or in other words, Mitt Romney may or may not have $172 million in assets… who knows, it’s so hard to account for these things, right? One of the assets was about $500,000 in gold, so somebody knows how to actually count assets in the Romney Campaign. Still, there’s a $172 million difference between the first number and the second number, and the first number is about 33% of the second number, which we feel is equivalent to a pregnancy test telling you there’s a 74% chance you’re pregnant, and a 33% chance you are a female.
3 Vaguer Disclosures Than Mitt Romney’s Net Worth
1. Your spouse discloses that they cheated on you with 84 to 256 other partners. “Who knows, the exact amount, it was the 2000′s,” they say, forgetting that it’s still the 2000′s, “everyone was having cyber-affairs, right? BTW, you don’t really plan on divorcing me and suing me for half my net worth, because that’s gonna be tricky to calculate. Tell you what, I’ll give your lawyers a range that tells you 33% to 100% of the real number, is that something your lawyers can work with?”
2. Your spouse discloses in their Annual Mormon Wife Return that they have 84 to 256 wives. The bottom of the form discloses “It’s hard to disclose the exact number because some of them may be lost in the car elevator or in one of my 84 to 256 Bugatti Veyrons.”
3. Your gardner discloses they may have embezzled 84 to 256 pesos. You have over $500 thousand in gold, so it’s kind of hard to relate to this number, but you assume that 84 pesos is at least enough to buy one more Bugatti Veyron, so you fire him.