Category Archives: Weddings
Diamond Store Apparently Thinks She Will Be Impressed By That Engagement Ring If She Knows You Got A Free Gun With The Purchase
NBC affiliate 11alive.com reports that an Atlanta area diamond store is offering a free hunting rifle with a purchase of diamonds over $2,500.
In the video news report, which can be seen here, the store Owner refuses to have his face shown on camera for “security reasons.” Because you know, giving out guns to people shopping for diamonds can’t create any conceivable security issues.
The video continues by interviewing an experienced wedding planner, who suggests this opens the possibilities to a themed wedding involving camouflage, maybe some spurs, and baseball caps.
3 Worse Themes For Weddings Than Camoflauge, Spurs, and Baseball Caps
1. A Rich Kids Of Instagram-themed wedding. The wedding party would be dressed in dresses and tuxedos made entirely for receipts for Louis Vuitton dresses and tuxedos. Ironically, they could have wore the real dresses and tuxedos, instead, but it’s not called the “Smart Kids Of Instagram.” By the way, is it just us, or are the Rich Kids of Instagram getting younger these days? Check out that site’s entry from yesterday and be the judge!
2. Forget just baseball caps – have an entire baseball uniform-themed wedding! Having all the groom’s side dressed in Yankees’ uniforms and all the bride’s side dressed in Red Sox’ uniforms may seem like a good idea until the open bar starts serving and a brawl ensues. Also, the Red Sox side is totally going to lose the game based on this season’s record.
3. An X-Factor themed wedding. Having celebrities like Simon Cowell judging everything from the ceremony to the speeches may initially seem fun, but if new judge Britney Spears pipes in about “how long it’s gonna last,” things might get ugly when you remind her of her marital history.
The Modesto Bee reports that two dogs got married in a benefit for the Humane Society of New York in a Guinness Book Of World Record setting wedding, setting the record for most expensive pet wedding at $158,187.26!
We hope that if you’re single, your mom was not invited to this particular wedding, as she may start nagging you about the fact that bride Baby Hope Diamond was able to find her Mr. Right (a.k.a. poodle groom Chilly Pasternak) and you’re still single, eating Mr. Noodles in your apartment under the Williamsburg Bridge, with your four hipster aspiring-artist roommates.
Although these may not have been your dogs, with dogs getting married earlier and earlier these days, they very well could have been, so in case this ever happens to you, here are:
3 Worse Things Than Your Dog Getting Married Before You
1. Not being asked to be the bridesmaid at your dog’s wedding! Really, so this is how it’s gonna be after years of pooping and scooping after your dog? It’s not your fault that your dog went all Hollywood after starring in some documentary called the Queen of Versailles, opening in theaters this Friday, and chose the film’s stars Virginia Nebab and Jackie Siegel (whoever they are) as the female members of her wedding party.
2. Being asked to be the bridesmaid at some other dog’s wedding! Look, if you live under the Williamsburg bridge, the occasional stray mutt couple is gonna have an impromptu wedding in front of your building and need some witnesses to make things official. That’s just how it works out there, “So suck it up, and help a bitch out!” the dog will say, as it asks you to help put on her American Apparel wedding dress.
3. Catching the bouquet at a wedding full of dog guests. Good God, someone just threw something in a banquet hall full of dogs, and you caught it! In seconds, packs of dog guests will be jumping in the air, toward your face, trying to retrieve the bouquet and return it to the human bride!