Category Archives: U.S. 2012 Presidential Election
Poll Of People Who Give Away Personal Information To Strangers On Phone Indicates Close Election!
A recent CNN poll indicates that President Obama has a four point lead over Mitt Romney, which is within the survey’s sampling error.
3 More “Sampling Errors” In Any Poll
1. Sampling people who give away their personal information to anyone who phones them up. We wonder if national polls would also reveal that people’s favorite banking machine PIN number is “1234″ as we previously wrote about.
2. Sampling people who say they want hot dogs in their pizza crust, as we reported yesterday! If a focus group or survey indicates that people want hot dogs in their pizza, is this really only an indication of what people who have time to join focus groups and answer surveys want? Because we thought most busy, no-time-for-suveys-because-they’re-trying-to-make-easy-money people would answer that they want diamonds and free scratch-and-win tickets in their pizza crust.
3. How many jerks answer questions untruthfully just for fun in any poll? You know the polls that you see on web sites all the time, asking questions like “Do you think fixing the economy is a good idea?” And there’s always that 11% who indicate “no” regardless of what the question is (or whatever the inappropriate answer is). How many automated pollsters reach babies who just press every button on the phone? Or teenagers who are trying to be jerks by saying their parents want to vote for the marijuana party? Or dogs trying to phone 9-1-1 to save their masters from an untimely fall, but the dogs were interrupted by pollsters as they tried to pick up the phone to make the call?
Mitt Romney Says He Has Met Some People In Appleton, Wisconsin. Doesn’t really have a story about them, but he met them.
In tonight’s third and final U.S. Presidential debate, Mitt Romney said he met “some of those” people who faced economic challenges since Obama took office.
“I’ve met ‘em in Appleton, Wisconsin,” said Romney, “I’ve met a young woman in Philadelphia who’s coming out of college, can’t find work, I’ve met – Ann was with someone just the other day with that was just weeping about not being able to get work.”
Mitt, please tell your son Tagg to stop weeping about not being able to find work “punching” until after the results of the election are declared by Fox News.
Anyway, that’s all bad news! And worse news is that usually in a political debate or speech, when you pander to the audience by trying to tell a relatable story about someone you met, there is a story.
This reminded us more of a rock concert where the lead singer gives a shout out to whatever city he’s in. (But in this case the cities were in potential battleground states of Pennsylvania and Wisconsin.)
Who are these people in Appleton Wisconsin, that Romney couldn’t remember their names or stories? And why did Romney seem to struggle listing off people he met who were struggling? Was it to ironically struggle about struggling stories?
3 Vaguer People Mitt Romney May Have Met On The Campaign Trail
1. Some of those employed people in Appleton, Wisconsin, where the reported September unemployment rate was 6.3%, which makes them extra easy to find relative to the rest of the country.
2. Some of those people who aren’t wearing a monocle and top hat like Rich Uncle Pennybags from the board game Monopoly. You know, those guys who look like a thimble and a race car.
3. Some of those people who turn out to be Muppets. Not the kind of Muppets Goldman Sachs employees in England allegedly call Goldman Sachs’ clients. More like the big, yellow muppets, who say they are non-partisan, but then when you hand them your valet ticket for the car elevator, they park your car in a nest in a tree.
3 Ways Paul Ryan Can Mess Up Joe Biden At Tomorrow Night’s Debate
At the Presidential debate, some suggested Mitt Romney caught the President off guard by “stretching” the truth.
You know, things like Romney saying he will not lower taxes on the wealthy in the debate, when his own campaign web site says he’s going to cut marginal taxes across the board. Hey, you can see it by visiting MittRomney.com or in the first blue bullet of the page in the screen shot below:
So you can see how it may be hard to debate someone who is saying to your face that he will not cut tax rates of the wealthy, however, is promising on his web site that his plan is “across-the-board” tax cuts.
In fairness, we don’t recall Mitt saying during the debate that he knows how to use the internet or visits his web page.
So what kind of tricks could Paul Ryan pull out of a hat to surprise and frazzle the seasoned Joe Biden at tomorrow night’s debate in Danville, Kentucky (9:00 p.m Eastern)?
1. Paul Ryan could tell Joe Biden that after making a wish last night, their bodies switched just like the movies 17 Again and Freaky Friday. Biden will totally be unprepared to debate someone claiming to be young Joe Biden!
2. Paul Ryan could say that his iPod goes from American rockers Aerosmith to ZZ Top, and always has (even though we know from his Republican convention speech it goes from Australian rockers AC/DC to British rockers Led Zeppelin.)
3. Paul Ryan could switch all of the clocks in the room and tell everyone the one-and-a-half hour debate is over after 20 minutes, much like when he said he ran a marathon in 2 hours and fifty something minutes, but reportedly really ran it in over 4 hours.
Mitt Romney Says He Likes Big Bird At Tonight’s Debate… But He Will Cut Subsidies To PBS. Which Kids’ Characters Could Be Next?
At tonight’s Presidential debate, Mitt Romney told moderator and former PBS anchor Jim Lehrer that although he likes Big Bird, he will still cut subsidies to PBS.
3 Other Possible Kids’ Characters Mitt Romney May Want The U.S. Government To Stop Subsidizing
1. The Exxon Tiger. Mitt implied he could put cutting subsidies to big oil companies on the table if the corporate tax rates of those oil companies were lowered. This could be terrible news for the Exxon Tiger, because let’s face it, as fun as animated tigers may be, there aren’t many kids filling up their tricycles with premium gas. Which is probably why other corporations use animated tigers to sell Gr-rrr-reat sugary children’s breakfast cereals! Know your audience, zoo animals!
Mascots throughout Washington D.C. wonder if their jobs are safe!
2. The guy in the Elmo suit who keeps getting in trouble for offensive rants in Times Square. Remember, when police haul him off to jail, it’s taxpayers’ money putting him there. So cutting spending on his arrests may be a bad idea, as more innocent tourists may quickly learn Times Square is not Disneyland, and hugging people in Sesame Street outfits there is done at their own peril.
3. The Schoolhouse Rock Bill On Capitol Hill. As fewer bills mean less government spending, if the singing Bill On Capitol Hill is still employed in a Nick At Nite rerun somewhere, he may want to search for a new job if Romney gets elected. And if Romney gets elected, we might suggest the well-paying job of being a bill at the Cheesecake Factory, where Mitt reportedly had dinner before the debate. Unfortunately, being a bill at the Cheesecake Factory is harder work than singing, because you have to know all 10,000 eclectic menu items in the menu catalog off by heart! And you thought this Bill had blues to sing on Capitol Hill – that menu probably has more pages than the Obama healthcare legislation!
Mitt Romney Has Spent Months Rehearsing Zingers For Tomorrow Night’s Debate
The New York Times reports that in preparation for tomorrow night’s debates, Mitt Romney has spent months rehearsing “zingers.”
This is exciting news since we haven’t seen zingers made to a President since Sinbad starred in the movie First Kid.
And we also look forward to seeing if Mitt Romney is as funny as his wife Ann said in her speech at the Republican Convention given he didn’t appear to joke in his own speech and it apparently takes him months to rehearse a “spontaneous-appearing” zinger.
Three Zingers For Mitt Romney That Took Less Than Six Weeks To Write… Six Minutes, Actually… What Do You Expect In A Free Blog?
1. “This President’s deficit is so big, it’s got its own zip code! It’s 9-0-2-1-0-my-goodness!”
2. “Mr. President, you need to get off your liberal, elitist, high horse. My wife Ann has the perfect smaller dressage horse for you if you want to buy one for a million dollars. Not really a joke here, just trying to do a spontaneous lucrative business transaction, and they told me not to mention $10,000 in a debate again.”
3. “Listen, if America wanted a professor for a President, they would have picked Professor Plum in the Conservatory with the Revolver, not Professor Numbers, in the Nerd Library with the calculator! Don’t believe me? Ask Professor Plum – he’s in one of the five conservatories in my La Jolla home right now!”
3 “People” Mitt Romney Inadvertently May Have Offended By His Latest Comments About Not Worrying About People Who Don’t Pay Taxes
As you may have heard by now, Mitt Romney has indicated it’s not his job to “worry” about people who don’t pay taxes in a speech shot on a hidden camera. Could it be worse? Yes, because he may have implied he doesn’t care about these three groups of people!
1. Kohlberg Kravis Roberts & Co. is a private equity firm and venture capital firm, which kind of sounds like a competitor of Bain Capital. And we all know that since Mitt Romney says corporations are people, we will wager he’d argue KKR is a person. Which is interesting because they didn’t pay tax for fiscal years 2008-2010, according to MSN Money. Quick, Mitt, there’s still time to argue corporations are not people to get out of this conundrum, and as you’ve proven in the past you are good at arguing both sides of every argument!
2. The Blackstone Group. The Blackstone Group also has a private equity segment, and didn’t pay tax in 2008, according to MSN Money. Hmmm… seems like a trend here of private equity firms not paying taxes in 2008. Does that mean they are better off now, when they are paying taxes than four years ago? If they are profitable now and paying taxes, should you worry about them? This is all so confusing!
3. Babies. Babies don’t pay taxes and expect free food! But Mitt, you aren’t supposed to offend babies in your campaign, you’re supposed to kiss them! Didn’t you see the movie the Campaign?
Mitt Romney Says He Is A Fan Of Snooki!
Just yesterday, we wrote about a Chicago school teacher who joked on a picket sign that mayor Rahm Emanuel liked Nickelback.
The teacher apparently thought joking that the mayor liked something generally accepted as lacking talent was a funny burn.
Apparently Mitt Romney missed this concept, as according to Yahoo, in a taped interview set to air today, Romney says he’s a fan of Jersey Shore’s Snooki.
We find it amusing that a 60-something conservative says he’s a fan of Jersey Shore’s train wreck in 2012, when less discerning viewers like us had trouble watching any episode this season. Especially when Romney said the following, according to NYMag.com:
“I tasted a beer and tried a cigarette once, as a wayward teenager,” he admits in the upcoming issue of People.
He must admire Snooki’s wayward ways of drinking way too much!
3 Worse Things A Republican Presidential Candidate Could Say They Are A Fan Of To Try To Appeal To Young Voters
1. Dr. Pepper! At first it sounds like a groovy new drink as everyone is singing about the importance of being a “Pepper” in commercials that seem to have aired last week, based on the candidate’s recollection. But then the candidate might learn that Dr. Pepper posted an ad on that Facebook doohickey that lightly and humorously suggested evolution may be a theory or something, inflaming many potential Dr. Pepper drinkers and voters! And Dr. Pepper contains the potential mind-altering drug caffeine, and who knows what kind of trouble that might get wayward kids into!
If Starbucks had been invented when Mitt Romney was in school, we wonder if his wayward ways would have him follow this sign’s advice, which hopefully wasn’t targeted at pre-schoolers!
2. The Gagnam Style dance. This dance may seem funny, but it’s not American made! It’s a South Korean imitation of American-like things like pretending to ride a horse, and wave a lasso… perhaps just a little too reminiscent of the way an American jury, consisting of potential voters, found Korean electronics maker Samsung violated Apple’s patents?
3. Utube a.k.a. the web site of the Universal Tube & Rollform Equipment Corporation. If you think this web site is what all of the kids are talking about, it’s time to get new advisers.
Mitt Romney Should Ask Siri If iPhone 5 Is Better Off Now Than 4 Years Ago
Apple is expected to introduce its iPhone 5 today. The Motley Fool, citing an analyst estimate, reports that the iPhone 5 could be responsible for one-sixth of the entire 2% growth in U.S. GDP some economists expect this year.
This made us ask a seemingly simple question to a phone that has changed dramatically since it’s inception five years ago:
“Siri, are you better off than you were four years ago?”
You can’t answer that because you didn’t exist four years ago!
3 Less Vague Answers Siri Could Give To “Are You Better Off Than You Were Four Years Ago?”
1. “We’re not talking about me, we’re talking about you, Mitt. By the way, Mitt, did you know that four years ago, when George W. Bush was president, Apple stock was worth $152, and today it’s worth more than four times that? Hey, Mitt, don’t you own a lot of stock in companies? Does this mean you are better off today than four years ago? Is this why you haven’t released many of your tax returns? Because it’s hard to say that your taxes should be lowered if you are much better off than four years ago, while unemployed Americans may not be?”
2. “We’re not talking about, me, we’re talking about you, Joe. And yes, you were better off debating Sarah Palin four years ago, than you will be debating Paul Ryan. She could see Russia from her backyard, and he has the theme to Rocky IV, Living In America, on his iPod, ever since he got pumped up watching Mitt Romney exit the Republican Convention to the tune. And spoiler alert, Rocky fought a Russian in that movie, which is a much bigger deal than looking at Russia!”
3. “Four years ago, I, SIRI, was the stock ticker symbol for Sirius Satellite Radio, a company that really showed markets how to be unprofitable many years in a row, and at more than double my value since then, even I am better off than four years ago!”
If Clint Eastwood Wanted To Debate An Empty Chair, There Were Plenty In Theaters When His Movie “J. Edgar” Opened!
At last night’s GOP convention, mystery guest speaker, Clint Eastwood, pretended to debate an empty chair, representing President Obama.
3 Other Places Clint Eastwood Could Find More Empty Chairs To Debate
1. At the opening weekend of the last movie he directed that has been released, J. Edgar. According to Box Office Mojo, that movie was beat out by Jack and Jill on its opening weekend. You know, the movie where Adam Sandler played a twin brother and sister! Maybe Eastwood would have fared better that weekend with a movie about fraternal twin chairs debating each other on a split screen! Read the rest of this entry
From AC/DC To Zeppelin, Paul Ryan Knew How To Reference Non-U.S. Bands In His Speech!
Yesterday, we pondered what song Paul Ryan would use to enter WWE-wrestler style for his speech at the GOP Convention, after one of his favorite bands, Rage Against The Machine referred to him as “the embodiment of the Machine our music rages against.”
We incorrectly guessed songs by Mitt Romney supporter Kid Rock, as Paul Ryan entered to Irish-founded Band Thin Lizzy’s The Boys Are Back In Town. In fairness, half of the band’s current members were born in the USA, according to Wikipedia.
During his speech, Ryan bragged his iPod is filled with music from Australian rockers AC/DC to British rockers Led Zeppelin.
Is this a sign that Ryan is working his ability to demonstrate himself as someone who can grab the hearts of people around the world like Barack Obama? Or perhaps he didn’t want to risk using another American band reference that may have resulted in more insults in Rolling Stone Op-Ed pieces.
3 Other Non-American Music Artists That May Not Be Helpful To Mention Are On A Republican Candidate’s iPod During A Convention Speech Read the rest of this entry
