Category Archives: Movies
IMDB Profile Says Canadian Actor Moving To U.S., Actor Apparently Unable To Convince U.S. Border Guards Otherwise
According to CTV, a Canadian actor named Chad Rook, who has appeared in a TV show called Supernatural, has been banned from the United States for five years after trying to cross the border.
From the article:
“Rook initially told officers he was traveling to L.A. for a vacation and to meet with family and friends.”
Apparently he wasn’t convincing in his role of “an actor traveling to L.A. for a vacation.”
Because U.S. Customs alleged in a letter that he was “…intending on setting up residence in L.A. to find work as an actor…”
A message board poster using the name “Locode” pointed out in the article’s comment section that the actor’s IMDB bio said the following:
“Chad is relocating to Los Angeles in early 2013 to help span his acting career even further.”
We don’t know when the bio was written, but perhaps it’s time for someone to edit it, to reflect his current situation!
3 Ironic Things About This News Story
1. The actor’s last name is “Rook,” the same name of the chess piece which is difficult to travel anywhere early in the game with so many pieces blocking it.
2. He also starred in a movie entitled “Sleepover Nightmare” that was produced in Canada, which was released in the United States. So his 3.2-out-of-10 rated-on-IMDB-movie is allowed in the U.S., when he is not, which may be somewhat of a nightmare for him at his next sleepover-movie-watching-party, which may have to take place over Facetime.
3. He also appeared in the TV show Alcatraz, making him one of the few people in history who may want to get into Alcatraz, but cannot!
Disney Acquires Almost Every Other Hero It Didn’t Acquire Through Marvel
Engadget reports that Disney (owner of your favorite Marvel superheroes) has acquired Lucasfilm Ltd., including the rights to Star Wars and Indiana Jones. According to the report, Disney plans to release a Star Wars film every two to three years.
3 Worse Things A Media Giant Could Acquire And Release Every Two To Three Years.
1. The Winter Olympics. We think once every four years is enough to crown an international winner of the biathlon, a sport that combines cross-country skiing with rifle-shooting, which are two modern real-world skills likely most necessary for a boring James Bond Movie set in a country with no hills.
2. The Fall Olympics. Pumpkin-Jack O-Lantern-carving-with-a-rifle may at first sound more exciting than the biathlon (until the zombies attack on Halloween, and all the world’s rifles are out of ammunition from carving pumpkins.)
3. A live animatronic U.S. president show. While kids across America may adore an animatronic Abraham Lincoln giving a speech at Disneyland, we wonder if Mitt Romney wins, whether a robotic Mitt Romney might seem just a little too realistic for kids to enjoy after floating through the less realistic animatronic sing-a-long ride It’s A Small World.
If Clint Eastwood Wanted To Debate An Empty Chair, There Were Plenty In Theaters When His Movie “J. Edgar” Opened!
At last night’s GOP convention, mystery guest speaker, Clint Eastwood, pretended to debate an empty chair, representing President Obama.
3 Other Places Clint Eastwood Could Find More Empty Chairs To Debate
1. At the opening weekend of the last movie he directed that has been released, J. Edgar. According to Box Office Mojo, that movie was beat out by Jack and Jill on its opening weekend. You know, the movie where Adam Sandler played a twin brother and sister! Maybe Eastwood would have fared better that weekend with a movie about fraternal twin chairs debating each other on a split screen! Read the rest of this entry
We Will Never Get Writer’s Block As Long As People Continue Killing Spiders With Blowtorches.
As we continue our week of celebration of our readers, we read a blog entry by novelist Candace Knoebel entitled “Caught In The Writer’s Block Web,” where she offers some great tips to avoid getting writer’s block, which she hopefully did not have when she’s wrote her blog entry. Because if you have writer’s block and are able to write about writer’s block, do you really have writer’s block? We’ll leave that question to the 15th century philosophers once the time machines are invented.
She also calls writer’s block a metaphorical “spider.” Coincidentally we call writer’s block “The Amazing Spider-Man.” Come on, really, Marvel/Disney/Sony, the tag line is “The Untold Story Begins” when you just began the story, for yet another time, 10 years ago with Toby Maguire! The real cause of Hollywood writer’s block is in the studio heads who keep recycling the same stories again and again, blocking many new writers with original ideas from getting their stories told on-screen. Read the rest of this entry
We Hope You Find Your “Sexy Sausage” But Doubt You’ll See That New Adam Sandler Movie On Zune!
We continue our week-long series of posts inspired by our readers. Today, we honor our anonymous readers. Specifically, the people who type things into search engines, and perhaps don’t know that search engines often tell us what they typed! And while some may initially be embarrassed to know the search terms they are typing into search engines are being passed along to web sites like ours, the good news is that you are still anonymous, unless you end every web search with the words “Seacrest Out!”
Anyway, we were looking at the keywords some of you were typing in early last Saturday, and…um… why don’t you just look at the chart below, and judge for yourself whether Google and other engines are leading people to a site that gives ‘em what they want!
We tried to find your sexy sausage for you on Siri, anonymous reader, but Siri just directed us back to our web site. Good luck in your quest!
We have an interesting group here, ranging from someone who wants to know what happens if drugs are found on you at the airport… to someone who either (a) has amnesia and has forgotten who their sexy sausage is; or (b) is talking sexy-talk to Google, because they consider Google to be their “sexy sausage”. And they consider Slim Jim’s to be their “big fat search engine”. Read the rest of this entry
University Professor Suggests The Movie “101 Dalmations” Could Lead To Teen Smoking. What Is He Smoking?
As we recently mentioned, as part of our Freshly Pressed celebrations, we will be writing all this week about topics inspired by our readers. Our first entry is based on a blog entry we found by Kamilla Berdin, in which she asks “Should 101 Dalmations Be Rated “R?“, based on a story reported in the Toronto Star that suggests smoking in films can influence teens to pick up the habit, according to a study by a doctor at Dartmouth College.
Apparently, Cruella De Vil smokes in the movie, which can lead to teen smoking, because teens have been mimicking everything Glenn Close, the actress who played Creulla, has done since the late 1980′s when she appeared in Fatal Attraction and Dangerous Liaisons. Now you know why decades of teens have been getting involved in so many love triangles, often involving boiling rabbits. Read the rest of this entry
The Real Cause Of Global Unemployment Crisis: Too Many Women Putting Nicholas Cage Pictures On Their Resumes?
Yahoo reports that a Canadian woman applying to be an administrative assistant at York University, inadvertently emailed a photo of Nicholas Cage with a psychotic-looking grin instead of a cover letter to her potential future employer. Remember, potential new work force entrants, if you make a major mistake like this, the first thing to do is to post a screen capture of the error on Tumblr, so that all the employers in the world can read about your letter-sending-assisting abilities in a Yahoo article. Still, for the woman who did exactly that, remember, it could always be worse, so here are:
3 Worse Places To Put A Picture Of Nicholas Cage’s Face When Applying For A Job
1. On the face of John Travolta. It didn’t make sense in the movie Face/Off, and it certainly won’t make sense when you’re using John Travolta for a reference for a job at Build-A-Bear Workshop. No family wants a birthday party featuring 100 stuffed bears with the face of Nicholas Cage. Read the rest of this entry
Transylvanian Men Caught In Cliche Garlic Heist!
According to the Austrian Times, Austrian police have arrested five men from Transylvania for allegedly stealing 9.5 tonnes of garlic from Spain. “But I don’t know the metric system,” you worriedly say, “and therefore can’t put a reference point of how much that is in my head.”
Don’t worry, dear NTWN reader, we’re here to tell you that’s about 335,102 ounces! Which would be worth about $542 million in gold at today’s prices. We don’t know the street value of garlic in Transylvania, however, we’re thinking trans-continental thievery of gold may have been more lucrative… unless there is some secret recent Transylvanian vampire activity increasing demand for garlic.
3 Worse Things To Steal From Spain And Bring Back To Transylvania
1. Debt and Unemployment. The only thing worse than being unemployed is being an unemployed vampire washing garlic covered dishes at the local Transylvanian Italian restaurant to pay off your debts. Don’t believe us? Just ask the entire cast of Twilight after Breaking Dawn 2 comes out. Yes, spoiler alert, even the vampire baby will be unemployed. Read the rest of this entry
3 Worse Fictional Characters A New Zealand Reporter Could Have To Interview Than Cookie Monster
The New Zealand Herald news “reports” that Sesame Street characters Cookie Monster and Elmo “were game for a bungy jump if they ever came to New Zealand together.”
“Will they or won’t they?” wonders probably nobody except the puppet masters who may now be wondering if they’ve obligated themselves to plummeting head first over a cliff with puppets in their hands. Read the rest of this entry
500,000 Bees Board Flight From Sweden To Greenland, And It’s Not A Samuel L. Jackson Movie
About 500,000 bees boarded a flight from Sweden to Greenland on Wednesday, according to Swedish news source, The Local. Apparently, the bees didn’t even have a direct flight, as they had a stopover in Denmark, the world’s former happiest country.
“What’s the bad news?” you may ask, “I fly with hundreds of thousands of bees all the time and always have to stop over in Cincinnati!”
Well, apparently, transporting that many bees requires “a lot of paperwork” and vetting by a bee inspector and a veterinarian surgeon. Okay, we get the paperwork part. Taking 500,000 bee passport photos is not exactly a picnic for any IKEA Photo Center employee. For them, a picnic would be more like getting stung by just five bees while having an actual picnic. But what kind of surgery performed by a veterinarian do these bees require? We’re certain that if taking passport photos of bees agitates a few bees, than performing surgery on half-a-million of their closest friends may also lead to a few stings, and delay a flight to Greenland by at least a few months. Still for anyone who may have been stung physically or metaphorically by this trans-atlantic bee-flight, we remind you, it could be worse. Here are:
3 Worse In-Flight Companions Than 500,000 Bees
1. Fifty Samuel L. Jacksons Impersonators. All of them screaming his famous Snakes On A Plane line of being tired of all these muthaf****n snakes on the muthaf****n plane. Don’t worry, there are no snakes on the plane, but all this yelling leads to one crying baby in every row. Which leads to 50 Justin Bieber Impersonators singing the song Baby to help settle them down, which never works! Hey, it’s not your fault you happened to be flying to Orlando during the 12 Annual Sunburst Convention of Celebrity Impersonators.
