Category Archives: History
Today’s news tip came to us via email from blogger Indy Tony. You can check out his blog, “A Way With Words” here. Now, to the news! CBC news reports that a psychiatrist gave a presentation suggesting that people who post lots of photos of food on social media may have psychological issues such as obesity problems.
If this blog was a movie trailer, now would be the moment where the music stops playing as the record abruptly scratches.
Are we to understand that a doctor found a captive audience, including the news media, to make the obvious point that people who like food may take lots of pictures of food?
3 More Obvious Revelations About Your Friends’ Social Networking Habits
1. People who post photos of their pets really like their pets. Or have narcissistic pets who know how to use Flickr and post their own pictures. And of course, if you’re a cat that thinks you’re so smart because you how to use Flickr, you are going to be a total narcissist!
2. People who post photos of their babies love their babies. P.S. If you love your baby so much that you make it your profile pic, here’s some helpful info: when Facebook suspects that your Facebook friend is logging in from a suspicious account, such as a computer in a Jamaican hotel, Facebook will ask your friend to prove their identity by matching their randomly selected Facebook friends’ profile pictures to their friends’ names. It’s kind of like a game show! This is an especially difficult game to play in the middle of a Jamaican hotel when all that pops up is pictures of dopey babies, and you have to guess which one belongs to which person you were in elementary school with and which ones are newborns of your real friends. Stop the madness and use a photo of you holding your baby, please!
3. People who don’t post anything on Facebook, and act all too cool for Facebook will probably tell you your entire status update posting history when they’re drunk. Example of Something a Drunk Person Will Say To You In A Bar: “I saw on Facebook your cat died. I’m so sorry to hear about this because I know you posted adorable photos of your cat wearing baby clothes every day. But not so sorry to take five seconds to comment about it on Facebook, because that would make me look like an uncool person who reads Facebook, rather than a drunk cool person who reads Facebook!”
Yahoo reports that a doctor in Australia has sued Google because he is apparently unhappy with what happened when people started typing his name in the search engine.
Specifically, the autocomplete function of Google suggested the man’s name followed by the word “bankrupt.”
The doctor alleges that his reputation has been damaged because some Google users have assumed he is bankrupt.
Because you know that any good research stops at Google autocomplete, without waiting for Google to display actual pages to visit and read.
And you thought college students who copied essays from Wikipedia were lazy. Wait until professors start reading essays based entirely on autocomplete.
We decided to try it ourselves, so here are:
3 Lousy Essay Titles Based On Google Autocomplete
1. “Fear Of Long Words.” We found it incredulous that this atrocious suggestion appeared after typing “fear of…”
Especially since someone just played the 9-letter word “derailing” in Words With Friends, and this reminded us of train derailments, and then even worse (due to the extra letters), locomotive derailments.
2. “Fear Of Clowns.” We assume this is a reference to the outgoing United States Congress.
3. “History Of Clowns Evil.” Well, at least we found the place to go to find out why people are afraid of clowns.
That said, this topic may not go well at clown college, especially if you are accusing all clowns of being evil, right before you are all about to be jammed in one tiny car.
Man’s 10-Inch Unit Causes Problems With Airport Security, Embarrassing Himself, Airport Security, And Less Endowed Male News Readers
As our week of entries inspired by our readers continues, our next entry is inspired by blogger ListOfX, who submitted a CBS News link on our message board about a man who had trouble getting through airport security in San Francisco, because security screeners were suspicious that his “World Record” sized, 10-inch penis was some sort of other suspicious package he was trying to hide in his pants.
Despite going through a metal detector and body scanner, the man was still delayed for two hours for additional screening and frisking before he could catch his flight!
“Why, why, why did this have to happen in San Francisco?” asked a fan of original-jokes-that-don’t-perpetuate-stereotypes, “Now Jimmy Fallon is going to be all over this two-hour-world’s-largest-penis-frisking-at-SFO incident!” Read the rest of this entry
NotTheWorstNews thanks faithful reader Grateful Fairy for nominating this site for the Very Inspiring Blogger and One Lovely Blog awards, so check out her blog! Despite this seemingly good news, the bad news is that if we won either of these awards, we’d have nothing to wear to the award ceremonies, as a brain surgeon hid all of our formal wear in a Florida beach, and no metal-detectors are going to find any of it in the sand (we stopped wearing metal-containing apparel because this guy with a magnet permanently embedded in his arm kept getting stuck to us.) That said, it could be worse, here are:
3 Things Worse Than Getting Nominated For the Very Inspiring Blog Award and One Lovely Blog Award
1. Getting nominated for the “Worst News Of 2012″ Award. That would, like, totally make securing the name of this blog at GoDaddy for the next 99 years a waste of money!
2. Getting nominated for the “Worst News Of 1812″ Award. Our top news story on May 31, 1812, would have been “War of 1812 Still Continues And Why Do They Still Keep Calling Quebec ‘Lower Canada’ and Ontario ‘Upper Canada’ When Anyone Looking At A Map Can See Upper Canada is On The Bottom! And No Wonder This War Keeps Dragging On When Nobody Knows Which Way Is ‘Up’ On A Map!”
3. Getting nominated for the “1982 Very Inspiring Frogger” Award. For those of you unfamiliar with Frogger, it was a video game, where you controlled a frog that ran across high traffic streets, to jump on lily pads, leading to hungry snakes. Since there was no way to finish this game, spoiler alert, it never ended well for the frog, so nobody should have been inspired to copy that frog. But there will always be people, likely MTV viewers, who do whatever they see on TV or in video games. And that’s why every TV commercial where somebody does something with a car, like driving through a jungle, around a racetrack, or just down a street displays a fine print disclaimer: “Professional Driver: Do Not Attempt.” In other words, “Please buy this vehicle, but do not attempt driving it.” On that note, we sense a “Most Ridiculous Disclaimer of 2012 Commercials” award.