Category Archives: Facebook
Today’s news tip came to us via email from blogger Indy Tony. You can check out his blog, “A Way With Words” here. Now, to the news! CBC news reports that a psychiatrist gave a presentation suggesting that people who post lots of photos of food on social media may have psychological issues such as obesity problems.
If this blog was a movie trailer, now would be the moment where the music stops playing as the record abruptly scratches.
Are we to understand that a doctor found a captive audience, including the news media, to make the obvious point that people who like food may take lots of pictures of food?
3 More Obvious Revelations About Your Friends’ Social Networking Habits
1. People who post photos of their pets really like their pets. Or have narcissistic pets who know how to use Flickr and post their own pictures. And of course, if you’re a cat that thinks you’re so smart because you how to use Flickr, you are going to be a total narcissist!
2. People who post photos of their babies love their babies. P.S. If you love your baby so much that you make it your profile pic, here’s some helpful info: when Facebook suspects that your Facebook friend is logging in from a suspicious account, such as a computer in a Jamaican hotel, Facebook will ask your friend to prove their identity by matching their randomly selected Facebook friends’ profile pictures to their friends’ names. It’s kind of like a game show! This is an especially difficult game to play in the middle of a Jamaican hotel when all that pops up is pictures of dopey babies, and you have to guess which one belongs to which person you were in elementary school with and which ones are newborns of your real friends. Stop the madness and use a photo of you holding your baby, please!
3. People who don’t post anything on Facebook, and act all too cool for Facebook will probably tell you your entire status update posting history when they’re drunk. Example of Something a Drunk Person Will Say To You In A Bar: “I saw on Facebook your cat died. I’m so sorry to hear about this because I know you posted adorable photos of your cat wearing baby clothes every day. But not so sorry to take five seconds to comment about it on Facebook, because that would make me look like an uncool person who reads Facebook, rather than a drunk cool person who reads Facebook!”
So, check your Facebook account lately? Perhaps you were spending too much time enjoying the NotTheWorstNews‘ Facebook page, and not enough time being a narcissist to notice that Facebook changed your primary e-mail account visible in your profile, without your permission, to an account ending in (@Facebook.com). We have good news: follow this link to see how to restore your original email address. And we also remind you it could have been worse:
3 Worse Things Facebook Could Have Changed Without Your Permission Than The Email Address On Your Profile Read the rest of this entry
Thanks to blogger List Of X, who accepted our challenge to provide us with bad news! Said blogger promptly advised us in a highly unconventional non-list format, of a scoop from CNN about two Australia Olypmic swimmers getting in trouble from the Australian Olympic Authorities for posing on Facebook with guns. And we’re not talking about how they refer to their arms in the first person, we’re talking real-looking weapons. Read the rest of this entry
Since Facebook went public just over a week ago, there have been allegations that prior to the IPO Morgan Stanley selectively disclosed reduced analyst estimates for the company’s earnings to certain investors. Speaking of disclosure, the IPO also faced glitches on the first day of trading, as brokers and investors never knew for hours whether their trades went through!
The irony here is we’re talking about Facebook, the company that discloses to your friends, co-workers, 90-year old great-grandmother who learned how to use the computer at the retirement home, and random acquaintances that your wife is leaving you in instantaneous real time!
Sure, you’ve been married 4 years, so why shouldn’t you expect a multi-billion dollar company to let everyone know about your future divorce battle by injecting a little broken heart symbol and terse message that you are no longer married into the news feeds of everyone you know. To make matters worse, when you go to the local Rick’s Cabaret to drown your sorrows, and a consoling friend checks you in there on Facebook, one of those aforementioned random acquaintances will rob your home, taking whatever your ex-wife didn’t get in the divorce settlement (basically the jar of Buffalo tribute coins you saw advertised on TV that only have 14 milligrams of gold in them).
But enough about your divorce, because just as your ex-wife used to say, this isn’t all about you! According to Bloomberg, main street investors may have lost $600 million on the IPO! Could it be worse? Of course, that’s why you’re reading NotTheWorstNews.com, the site that makes you feel better knowing there’s worse conceivable news out there.
3 Worse Things Than Being A Main Street Investor of Facebook’s IPO
1. You could be Joe Green, a former roommate of Mark Zuckerberg who worked on “Facemash” with him, according to this article at Mashable. Green was offered a chance to drop out of Harvard and help start up Facebook, but his father, a professor, talked him out of it. Obviously, his father was a teacher at the school of Not-Learning-From-Harvard-Drop-Out-Bill-Gates and professor of “How To Miss Out On The World’s Most Lucrative Once In A Lifetime Opportunities 101,” as Green may have been worth in the hundreds of millions had he not listened to his father. Still, if said Joe Green happens to be reading this, it could be worse. You could have been football great Mean Joe Green, and your father could have talked you out of starring in one of the most popular commercials in Superbowl history. Not only would you have lost all the notoriety and endorsement money, but you also would have missed out on trading a kid an ice-cold bottle of Coca-Cola for a sweaty towel – the best trade in sports history!
2. Mashable also tells us of Aaron Greenspan, another classmate of Zuckerberg, who allegedly had a similar idea to Facebook. Not only did Greenspan not get a piece of Facebook, he didn’t get mentioned in the movie the Social Network, so he sued Columbia Pictures for leaving him out of the story, and a judge dismissed his case. That’s two alleged snubs from two giant corporations! Still, if said Aaron Greenspan happens to be reading this, it could have been worse: they could have put you in the movie after carefully considering the suggestions of focus groups! You know how focus groups are: they want less scenes of people talking and more scenes of adult men being kicked in the groin by precocious kids. So, Mr. Greenspan, you should be thankful that focus group never got its way, as every typical American movie-goer would be high-fiving and fist-bumping you in the groin whenever you walk down the Boulevard of Broken Dreams.
3. You could have been a main street investor trying to buy Facebook, but mistakenly invested your life savings in Physicians Formula Holdings Inc., which has the understandably potentially confusing NASDAQ ticker symbol “FACE“. If you bought FACE at the open on May 18, and sold it on Friday, May 25, you would only have 81.6% of your money left. That compares to 84.0% if you bought Facebook at the $38 IPO price and held it for the same period of time. That said, as it may be hard to admit you made such an error to your Facebook friends, maybe the company would help you save *cough* face by giving you a discount on their cosmetic products now that you’re their number one shareholder.
According to the Wall Street Journal, according to Barron’s, according to my ability to read the English language, General Motors plans to stop buying ads on Facebook! This is terrible news for every 15 year-old unlicensed driver in the market for a new Buick Lacrosse! But is it the worst news possible? Of course not, that’s why you’ve come to the NotTheWorstNews web page!
3 Worse Advertisers Facebook Could Lose (If They Have Them As Clients)
1. Myspace. Imagine if Facebook lost the Myspace ad account. Nobody would visit Myspace! Oh, wait.
2. The Geico Gecko. It would be pretty bad if Facebook lost the Geico account and also lost the Gecko. Ironically, we suspect nobody at Geico ever put an insurance policy on the Gecko, because nobody thought a CGI animated Gecko could ever be misplaced, but we hear those things are actually expensive to replace. Unlike the Gilbert Gottfried-voiced Aflac duck, which was apparently easy to replace.
3. Rick’s Cabaret Gentlemen’s Clubs because the entertainment value in your Facebook news feed of watching your Facebook “friends” “check in” “with nobody” at this chain would be lost.