Category Archives: Entertainment
Last week, we wondered when someone began naming winter storms and blamed the Mainstream Weather Media.
Since writing that entry, CNBC reported that the Weather Channel is responsible for naming winter storms, and the National Weather Service does not name winter storms.
3 More Networks We Want To See Name Winter Storms
1. E! The home of Keeping Up With The Kardashians could let Momager Kris Jenner name all of the storms the same way she names her daughters: with names that start with the letter “K.” We look forward to winter storm Klumpy, as that’ll bring thick, snowman-and-snowwoman-making-snow!
2. Fox News. Here comes fair and balanced winter storm Chill O’Reilly! This aggressive storm brings lots of snow to the blue states, which is fair because they’re in the north or have mountains. And it’s balanced in that it doesn’t bring snow to Hawaii, which is also a blue state, or part of Kenya, depending on which Fox fact-checking intern you ask.
3. A&E. This network, once named after Arts and Entertainment, and now home to shows about people hoarding stuff and storing stuff will be proud to present winter storm Stryofoam-Bits-From-Boxes-In Your-Garage!
The Associated Press reports that in England, a “remote” pub held a “World’s Biggest Liar” Competition.
Well judges, you’ve been foiled, because if you were searching for the World’s Biggest Liar you would have to have competitors representing every country in the world, and not just some people in some “remote” town.
And that’s why you should never lie, because your lies will always unravel themselves.
Anyway, the competition barred lawyers and politicians, presumably because they are the World’s Biggest Liars, yet again proving this entire competition is a lie!
3 More Groups To Ban From A Lying Competition
1. Ghosts. They’re all like, “Look at me, I’m a ghost, I’m soooo scary.” And then when nobody believes them they make the walls start bleeding, ruining a perfectly good evening.
2. Used Car Salesman. Ever since a used car salesman sold us a fleet of brand new 2013 Chevrolet Volts with no miles on them, we never trust used car salespeople!
3. Ex-WWE Wrestler Mr. X. He wore a mask in the ring and always lost, and little did we know until we just visited Wikipedia he was also the evil referee Danny Davis, who of course could never be trusted, as anyone who watched 1980s wrestling knows!
When we want to listen to a station of spooky sounds, we think of cackling witches, howling wolves, and whatever music Avril Lavigne and Nickelback may release together.
But over at Sirius-XM, if you want to listen to their seasonal Halloween station “Scream Radio,” they have an additional “sound” – Blue Collar “Git ‘R Done” comedian Larry, the Cable Guy.
3 Scarier Sounds Than The Voice Of Larry The Cable Guy.
1. A radio announcer yelling: “Congratulations! You’ve just won 3,000 Larry The Cable Guy T-Shirts! And yes, you must wear them all. At the same time.”
2. “Fox News declares the winner of the Presidential election is… a Roomba vacuum. Oops… sorry, we didn’t mean to cut into the Roomba vacuum commercial.”
3. The voice of Larry The Cable Guy tribute band Git ‘R Dub. It’s an entire show of four guys lip-syncing to the comedy of Larry the Cable Guy. Worst boy-band ever.
Tampa Bay’s Bay News 9 reports that a company named Alligator Attractions will bring an alligator to your kids’ pool party.
The alligators’ mouth is taped shut so you probably don’t have to worry about him cussing in front of your children.
According to the report a child guest at the party said:
“At first, my friend and I were really scared of gators, but I’m not going to be scared anymore because it’s cool.”
Who says a party can’t be educational and fun? (Hey, we weren’t referring to this party.)
3 Potentially Less Fun Themes For Children’s Parties That Require No Further Explanation
1. The Hunger Games.
2. Children of the Corn.
3. Lord Of The Flies.
The Local reported today that thousands of Swedish residents have paid a fake fine after receiving letters in the mail saying they downloaded porn.
3 Worse Things Swedish Residents Could Pay A Fake Fine For
1. The instruction on page 17 of how to assemble an IKEA dresser could say to pay a fine for assembling the dresser with the drawers upside down. Read the rest of this entry
According to the Detroit Free Press, a 9-year-old boy has worked to help solve Detroit’s financial crisis by selling lemonade and popcorn. He began his mission on Monday of last week, and by the end of last Friday, he had raised over $3,000 in profits for the City of Detroit.
Obviously, this is an appropriate moment to check in and see how the entrepreneur, we previously wrote about on this site, is doing raising money to research the feasability of a Detroit zombie-theme park!
And with a few days left, it seems that, at the time of us writing this, the 9-year-old lemonade stand has the more lucrative business plan compared to the zombie apocalypse theme park… that had a head start of many weeks over the lemonade-stand-kid! The Detroit zombie-theme park has raised less than ten-thousand dollars and it has a $145,000 goal!
3 More-Embarrassing Individuals In Detroit Who Could Upstage Your Entire Business Plan Than A 9-Year-Old With A Lemonade Stand
1. Kid Rock. As we look on iTunes, we can’t find Kid Rock’s hits from his old hit album “Devil Without A Cause,” presumably because he has boycotted iTunes for much of his career. But we can find some songs scattered throughout his career that we never heard of. Anyhoo, as he apparently prefers giving his music away for free on pirated-music sites, there’s no excuse for your zombie-themed park under-performing him in Detroit.
2. A 9-Year-Old with a Powerade stand! That kid’s not even trying on any level!
3. A Zombie with a Lemonade stand! Zombies are the worst sales people ever. And they’ll just keep biting potential customers, turning them into zombie-competitors, selling zombie-made lemonade, when all the zombie-world market really wants is brains, not lemonade.
The Consumerist reports that a California man, who was trying to clear his yard of cobwebs, decided the best gardening tool for this project was a blowtorch. This soon lead to a brush-fire in his backyard, and $25,000 worth of uninsured fire damage to his house.
This is bad news for the man, but here are three worse items that someone could try to use to kill spiders and clear cobwebs in their dry backyard:
1. A blowtorch being operated by a praying mantis. The praying mantis is a natural predator of a spider, so it could have got the job done without the blowtorch! Which, by the way, it will likely be unable to lift, resulting in the entire lawn catching fire, leading to a massive lawsuit from the Local Praying Mantis Union for unsafe working conditions, after the praying mantis sprains its exoskeleton and can’t make Sunday prayer. Read the rest of this entry
The Real Cause Of Global Unemployment Crisis: Too Many Women Putting Nicholas Cage Pictures On Their Resumes?
Yahoo reports that a Canadian woman applying to be an administrative assistant at York University, inadvertently emailed a photo of Nicholas Cage with a psychotic-looking grin instead of a cover letter to her potential future employer. Remember, potential new work force entrants, if you make a major mistake like this, the first thing to do is to post a screen capture of the error on Tumblr, so that all the employers in the world can read about your letter-sending-assisting abilities in a Yahoo article. Still, for the woman who did exactly that, remember, it could always be worse, so here are:
3 Worse Places To Put A Picture Of Nicholas Cage’s Face When Applying For A Job
1. On the face of John Travolta. It didn’t make sense in the movie Face/Off, and it certainly won’t make sense when you’re using John Travolta for a reference for a job at Build-A-Bear Workshop. No family wants a birthday party featuring 100 stuffed bears with the face of Nicholas Cage. Read the rest of this entry
Have you spent this Friday the 13th wishing that you could spend an entire night being chased by fake zombies in a zombie-themed amusement park, complete with warehouses, and run-down buildings? We did say the entire night, meaning you don’t get to go to sleep on this adventure. But you do get to pay money to do this. Did we mention this proposed amusement park would be in Detroit?
Fireworks Show Accidentally Goes Off Early In A Possible Desperate Attempt To Be A Double-Entendre Joke Punchline!
CNN reported that a San Diego fireworks display meant to celebrate the Fourth Of July was unintentionally ignited early, resulting in the entire show lasting 15 seconds.
For those who attended the event and feel short-changed, remember, it could be worse. Here are 3 Worse Entertainment Productions That Could Be Reduced to 15 Seconds:
1. An eight season complete box set of the series 24. You certainly would feel ripped off if all that was inside the box was one disc, with eight seconds of a clock “beeping” and seven seconds of credits rolling. But that’s what you get for buying boxed sets at flea markets set up in freight-train boxcars passing through your town! Read the rest of this entry