Category Archives: Celebrities
Earlier this week we wrote about a well-clad real monkey found milling about a Toronto IKEA store.
According to the Huffington Post, a woman posted a photo of herself with a stencil of the IKEA monkey on her body, which could be the blueprint of a future tattoo of the IKEA monkey.
3 Other Potential Tattoos We Would Not Like To See
1. A diagram of instruction #26 of any IKEA product assembly guide. If it takes more than 20 steps to assemble a half-paper, half-wooden television stand to watch our favorite Anne Hathaway movies on, we don’t want to be reminded of it permanently.
2. A tattoo of underwear to prevent apparent celebrity wardrobe malfunctions for those days celebs forget to wear underwear. (Especially applies to Anne Hathaway after she may have accidentally forgotten to wear underwear at Les Mis premiere earlier this week.) Anyway, we doubt such a tattoo would fool the cameras, although a tattoo that says “CENSORED” may make mainstream photo editors’ jobs easier for such situations.
3. A leg tattoo saying “remember to wear underwear, especially when wearing a dress and getting out of a limousine, in front of flashing cameras that are at higher elevation than the limousine seats.” Tattoo reminders are only valuable if you are looking at the tattoo at the time you are likely to forget to put on underwear. Otherwise, they are very embarrassing if the press gets a photo of the reminder tattoo while you are also not wearing any underwear.
According to US Magazine, Robert Patterson, hates being called by his “ubiquitous” nick name, “R-Patz”. Apparently US Magazine defines “ubiquitous” as meaning anything a tween girl would say in a conversation nobody wants to hear. Not even over-protective mothers who in the old days would have read diaries.
Anyway, Robert, this is NotTheWorstNews, so if it you need a pick-me-up after a lousy nickname disrupts your enjoyment of your multi-million-dollar-every-young-woman-and-her-mother-wants-you-movie-star lifestyle, remember, it could be worse, so here are:
3 Worse Nicknames For Robert Pattison Than “R-Patz”
1. “Guy-who-disappeared-for-like-two-hours-in-Twilight-New-Moon”. This is probably how he’s referred to by any fathers roped into taking their daughters to this movie, trying to get a handle on the plot. All we know is his character, Edward Cullen took off to Italy about 20 minutes into the movie, and came back just in time at the end to propose to Kristin Stewart, after the werewolf professed his love to her. We don’t know if Robert was just dialing his performance in, or had another movie to shoot, or used the “I was just getting popcorn excuse”, while he pulled an Alex P.-Keaton-from-Family-Tiesand tried to go on dates with two girls at the same time.
2. PG-13 Patz.With no steamy scenes between any vampires, werewolves, or very-confused-romantically not-so-selective high school students, and with more vampires randomly flying-through the air to Muse than actual violence, his Twilight work is never getting an “R-Rating.” Which is too bad since all of its original audience must be 17 by now and old enough to see an R-rated movie. Or if they’re too young to see an R-movie, they’re certainly old enough to be accompanied into the theater by their mothers who are reading the latest in the 50 Shades of Grey series. We’re guessing those moms won’t object to taking their daughters to an R-rated movie, while they’re secretly reading the next erotica-to-theater blockbuster series that some movie studio (probably Sony: see below) will inevitably develop! Either way, until one of these Twilight things gets rated “R”, it’s PG-13 Patz from now on at this web site!