Category Archives: 2012 Summer Olympics
Just In Time For The Olympic Closing Ceremonies… The Medals Of The Blogs We Read This Week! Tattoos, Dido, and Bucket Lists!
The Olympics are about to come to a close, and this is our 50th consecutive day of comedic blogging, so we decided to celebrate and create our own event: speed-reading of some of the blogs of readers who have liked our own entries this week! Then we awarded “comedic situation” medals. We enjoyed all of the blogs equally, so the medal choices are entirely self-serving, based on which ones provided the most comedic potential for our unique format of suggesting 3 worse situations than situations in the news, or in this case, the blogosphere.
So, now it’s time to hand out our own medals of the Summer 2012 blogs!
BRONZE MEDAL
The Bronze Medal goes to blogger Kana’s Chronicles of Team USA and her entry “A Lesson On Letting Go.” In it, this writer describes how she successfully used a photo of her tattoo as part of a job application! The job is writing a daily blog about Biker Life! And now for our comedic entry inspired by this blog – here are:
3 Photos Not To Include In An Application For A Job Writing A Blog About Biker Life
1. A Tattoo of a Plymouth Grand Voyageur. That’s not a bike! And it’s also not an “El Camino”, but that didn’t stop the Black Keys from using one on the cover of their album El Camino! Anyway, the whole tattoo-something-that’s-not-really-what-you-say-it-is would probably be a better strategy for a hipster blog than a biker blog!
2. A Tattoo of a Grocery List. This would be especially bad if the grocery list does not include anything motorcycle-related, but does include organic parsley. How much organic parsley does one really need to be reminded of to have to tattoo the reminder on their arm?
3 Words We Do Not Recommend Tattooing On Your Body! Because Tattoos are Permanent And You Never Know How Long McRib Will Be Back!
3. A Tattoo of Someone Else Who Is Applying For A Job Writing A Blog About Biker Life! You’re advertising the competition, and you’re going to be stuck with a tattoo reminding you of that major error for life!
SILVER MEDAL
The Silver Medal goes to American blogger Ashley Jillian and her entry “Comedy.” In it, she tells a tale of a friend who cried so hard while listening to singer Dido, that the friend tore “his or her favorite jeans.” Thanks for the comedic inspiration, Ashley, here’s:
3 Worse Songs To Listen To And Damage Your Jeans Than A Song By Dido
1. Limp Bizkit – Break Stuff. Okay, technically, you were doing what the song told you to do. But it’s still worse because you were listening to Limp Bizkit and it’s 2012. Even Limp Bizkit, who has been rumored to be launching a comeback doesn’t listen to Limp Bizkit in 2012.
If you insist on breaking stuff while listening to Limp Bizkit, might we suggest breaking off a piece of a Kit Kat bar instead of “somebody’s face” as suggested in the song?
2. ZZ Top – Legs. The song lyrics are: “She’s got legs, she knows how to use them.” But if you’re ripping your jeans, just by listening to music, you kinda don’t know how to use ‘em.
3. Eminem – Stan. Remember, this is a song featuring Dido, which is completely different than a song by Dido. And if the lyrics of Dido make you cry and rip your jeans, we don’t even want to imagine what happens when Eminem’s dark tragic tale of Stan is rapped into the mix!
GOLD MEDAL
Our Gold Medal of blogging goes to American blogger Lesley Carter’s entry entitled “2012 Bucket List – Adventure Awaits!” This adventurous blogger has an extensive 30 item bucket list, with links to accomplished items. But for comedic value, we will look at her bucket list item #23: “Go On An Unplanned Road Trip.”
Looks like she’s been foiled, in her bucket-listing, by putting an impossible item to complete on the list! Why? Because the entire bucket list is planning things to do in a year, so she has planned to go on an unplanned road trip! Impossible! Or, is it?
There is a way out. Let somebody else plan the road trip. Perhaps take suggestions from your numerous readers, and then draw the winning trip from the suggestions. Now that would be unplanned! There, we got you out of that logical dilemma!
And if we may suggest an unplanned road trip, we suggest a road trip to African Lion Safari, in Hamilton, Ontario, Canada, which we label: the world’s most ridiculous drive-thru. Why? Because it’s a drive-thru zoo, and monkeys may jump on your car, which may not be good for resale value. Anyway, here are:
3 Even More Impossible Things To Complete On A Bucket List!
1. Watch the Chicago Cubs win a World Series. The true proactive smarty-pantses out there crossed this off their bucket lists in 1908. But for those of you who missed it, the odds aren’t looking good, based on history, or the current standings, of seeing this happen in 2012!
You’re much more likely to see the World Series won in Yankee Stadium, unless you’re this guy, who might have his back to the action while they win it.
2. Find the Meaning of Life. We’re not talking about the real meaning of life. We’re talking about the meaning of life promised in the instructions of the Colecovision video game “B.C.’s Grog’s Revenge.” The game promised that if you ever finished it, you would find the meaning of life. However, in this game, if the character Grog even enters the same cave as your character, it’s game over. And Grog can walk into the room at any time, without warning. Which is why we think the makers of the game toyed with our emotions, as they made it virtually impossible to win or find the meaning of life. Is this the kind of Karma that caused Coleco to go out of business?
3. Start A Drive-Thru Car Wash/Aquarium Where Your Car Is Washed By Sharks And Killer Whales. Sure it sounds far-fetched, impossible, and something that people may not want to visit, but arguably so does a drive-thru zoo, and one of those has been around for decades in Hamilton, Ontario, Canada!
Thanks to the bloggers who have followed us or liked our entries, and written their own entries that have inspired us to write even more entries! Will we continue our comedic blogging streak past the current 50-day mark? Stay tuned tomorrow, August 13, at 3 pm Eastern to find out!
India Has More Olympic Medals In Its History Than Michael Phelps, And Is Guaranteed At Least One More In Boxing!
It seems just days ago, media outlets like Yahoo were reporting, blogging, and occasionally making light of the fact that Michael Phelps, then expected to win his 22nd Olympic medal, would have as many Olympic medals as India has won in its entire history! And 1.2 billion people live there! Then along came India Badminton player Saina Nehwal, who won a bronze medal, giving India 23 medals before Phelps swam to his 22nd and final medal later the same day, teaching some other bloggers a lesson about avoiding premature e-joke-elation! Read the rest of this entry
Olympic Gold Medals Are Made Mostly Of Silver And Copper!
If you were planning on making an old joke today about dumb athletes having gold medals bronzed, hold up! There’s hardly any gold in those gold medals, as CNBC reports that Olympic gold medals contain the following metals:
- Silver 92.5%
- Copper 6.16%
- Gold 1.34%
So congratulations to all of the gold medal winners so far, but before you mail in your valuable gold medal to “Cash For Gold” to receive whatever amount of money they decide to send you in the mail, remember, the medal does not contain as much gold as you think. And if you think mailing in a gold medal to Cash For Gold would land you on their funniest things people have ever mailed in list, look out, because according to them, people have mailed in gold teeth, platinum femur rods, and gold spray-painted Pokemon key-chains.
Still the medal does look golden, and there are a lot of other things they could have made these medals of that would be less valuable, which makes us wonder…
What Might Happen If Yum Brands Made Olympic Medals? We Have 3 Suggestions! Read the rest of this entry
Technology Is About To Make How You Write Seem Dated, Generation LOL!
Each generation has its own unique way of speaking that is mocked by future generations, and we have some bad potential news for Generation Y (which we refer to as “Generation LOL” in this article, even though we know the Gen Y way of communicating has spread to a lesser degree to other generations who may LOL but probably don’t have BFF’s). As new voice-recognition technology, such as that used by Apple’s Siri becomes more common place, there will be no reason to continue destroying the English language with texted and Tweeted sentences like:
“Did I c u at the @JeffFoxworthy show? Was that u he made fun of on stage LOL! #YouKnowYoureARedNeckWhenYourObstructedViewSeatsAreObstructedByMoonshineVats #LOL
“
Will a change in technology that results in people dictating actual sentences in legitimate English eliminate the need to use all kinds of internet acronyms and emoticons? We hope so. Feel free to debate counterpoints on the message board below, using your favorite internet acronyms. If we are right, for Generation LOL, don’t worry if your future grandchildren find the way you write and talk funny compared to the robots. Like anything, it could be worse, so here are:
3 Worse Ways New Technology Could Screw Up Language In Every Day Life
1. It could make the name of your business obsolete. Remember the days when people used the Yellow Book to find businesses? Smart entrepreneurs knew they could name their businesses things like AAAAAAAAAAAAA-1 Aardvark Australian Airlines and wind up first in the phone book. Less smart entrepreneurs had less success with their businesses named ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ Zoompads (formerly Mattress Depot). Read the rest of this entry
Extra-Terrestrials May Be Vacationing in the U.K.! Good Luck Finding A Hotel Room During The Olympics, Alien Suckers!
According to the Mirror, reports recently released by the U.K. Ministry of Defence indicate that the British government believed in 1995 that aliens were visiting the United Kingdom for tourism purposes. And the Times of India has just reported that an Oxford Scientist has predicted that we could see aliens on this planet in 100 years. All this evidence of alien activity could certainly lead to major chaos and traffic congestion in London if they happen to choose to visit during the Summer Olympics, especially if they drive their saucers on the American a.k.a. “right” side of the sky!
Actual photo of a Buckingham Palace water vending machine in August 2008! If they couldn’t handle water demand then, how will they fare with a city full of thirsty Olympians and aliens visiting from a planet without any water?
To make matters worse, a European economic crisis means that many British residents won’t be able to go on vacation this year, creating even more congestion. Still, faithful British NTWN readers (and you are truly faithful as our second largest group of readers, or were, at least until Canada just passed you while writing this article – way to drop the ball), remember, if you’re stuck at home while everyone else from Australian Olympic swimmers to Aliens are living the high life, remember it could be worse! Here are:
3 Worse Things Than Being Stuck At Home While Everyone Else Including The Aliens Are On Vacation
1. You could be stuck at home listening to the 1981 Loverboy hit “Working For The Weekend.” This song reminds you that everyone’s working for the weekend… well everyone with a job, that is. You haven’t had a job since 2008, when a global recession hit, and Buckingham Palace had to fire its vending machine maintenance staff. So you’re stuck at home, listening to lousy music because you can’t afford to replace your CD Player with an MP3 player, and it’s had the Loverboy CD stuck inside since some spilled Tab cola on the eject button during an 80′s themed party you had in 1990. FYI, in case you forgot, because you’re unemployed, and every day blends into one, it’s not the weekend, it’s Tuesday! Read the rest of this entry
Australian Olympic Swimmers In Trouble For Posing With Guns
Thanks to blogger List Of X, who accepted our challenge to provide us with bad news! Said blogger promptly advised us in a highly unconventional non-list format, of a scoop from CNN about two Australia Olypmic swimmers getting in trouble from the Australian Olympic Authorities for posing on Facebook with guns. And we’re not talking about how they refer to their arms in the first person, we’re talking real-looking weapons. Read the rest of this entry
