Poll: 4% Of Americans Say Reptilian People Control The World

A  recent Public Policy Polling national survey asked American registered voters whether they believed in various conspiracy theories.

When asked:

“Do you believe that shape-shifting reptilian people control our world by taking on human form and gaining political power to manipulate our societies, or not?”

  • 4% of respondents said they do
  • 88% said they do not
  • 7% said “not sure”

Come on, 7%, get off the fence already and inform yourself about the issues that affect the world you live in, before a lizard scurries up the fence and knocks you off!

This may be an interesting time to remind you, that only 2% of registered voters are members of the NRA, according to this calculation.

So twice as many registered voters believe in shape-shifting reptile manipulators than are members of the NRA, or are just smart-asses who answer “yes” to everything in meaningless surveys.

So why aren’t the reptile-conspiracy theorists on the news every night and shaping America’s policy?

3 Policies We Suspect Believers In Shape-Shifting Reptiles May Advocate

1. The only way to stop shape-shifting reptilian people is with more shape-shifting reptilian people. So we must genetically engineer good, law-abiding reptilian-humanoids and place them in every school!

2. Birth certificates of any length are insufficient proof that a candidate for office is not a reptile. All political candidates must submit to DNA tests, or in the preferred alternative, testing to see if they can scurry up fences!

3. With the right amount of advertising on our issue, and lots of yelling, we lizard-conspiracy-theorists, too, can end up on all media outlets who feel that presenting both sides of a story, no matter how unreasonable one side may be, is fair or balanced reporting or even “news.”



Categories: Humor, Politics

Tags: , , , , , , , ,

5 replies

  1. This is proof positive that Reptilian shape-shifters have successfully manipulated 88% of the people!

    Like

  2. The margin of error is 2.8%, so hopefully this was an error. It may be that respondents agreed with the statement and either didn’t understand or didn’t process the word ‘reptilian’ when reading.

    Like

Trackbacks

  1. More American Registered Voters Believe Moon Landing Was A Hoax Than Are Members Of The NRA | NotTheWorstNews
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