We Hope You Find Your “Sexy Sausage” But Doubt You’ll See That New Adam Sandler Movie On Zune!
Posted by Not The Worst News
We continue our week-long series of posts inspired by our readers. Today, we honor our anonymous readers. Specifically, the people who type things into search engines, and perhaps don’t know that search engines often tell us what they typed! And while some may initially be embarrassed to know the search terms they are typing into search engines are being passed along to web sites like ours, the good news is that you are still anonymous, unless you end every web search with the words “Seacrest Out!”
Anyway, we were looking at the keywords some of you were typing in early last Saturday, and…um… why don’t you just look at the chart below, and judge for yourself whether Google and other engines are leading people to a site that gives ‘em what they want!
We have an interesting group here, ranging from someone who wants to know what happens if drugs are found on you at the airport… to someone who either (a) has amnesia and has forgotten who their sexy sausage is; or (b) is talking sexy-talk to Google, because they consider Google to be their “sexy sausage”. And they consider Slim Jim’s to be their “big fat search engine”.
And then there’s the person who had standards of “sexy,” “hot” and “moving.” Glad to hear necrophiliacs are not visiting our site!
But what really surprised us was not that somebody was eagerly awaiting a digital release of Adam Sandler’s latest flop, “That’s My Boy,” which we wrote about here. What surprised us was that somebody wanted to watch this flop on the technological flop known as the Microsoft Zune! We thought Microsoft discontinued Zune years ago… but later learned it was discontinued in June, based on articles like this one in the New York Times, saying “R.I.P. Zune.“
Anyway, Zune user #5, we are sorry to have provided you with a link to news that Zune has been discontinued. But it could be worse… here are…
3 Even More Disappointing Questions You Could Ask A Search Engine… And Real Answers From Old Search Engines!
1. “I just returned from a year on the international space station, with plenty of awesome pictures! How are my shares of Kodak doing?”
Our answer: “The good news is despite filing for bankruptcy people are currently willing to pay more than zero!”
Ask.com answer: “International Space Station” Since Ask.com officially calls that result the “Answer,” we guess it’s back to the space station for you to find some sucker willing to buy your shares!
2. “Which zoo can I take my screaming kid to see a brontosaurus at?”
Our answer: This is wrong on so many levels. Perhaps you may want to consider a county fair or Chuck E. Cheese’s instead.
Lycos.com answer: “Watch Movies Online!” Where was this answer when the other guy was looking for the latest Adam Sandler movie? Does the internet get anything right?
Our answer: If you promise not to take things literally, can we say Wrent-a-Wreck?
AltaVista.com answer: “Slate Magazine.” Finally, oldie-but-goody, discontinued AltaVista gives an answer you can use, so head on over to Slate’s New York or Washington Offices and tell ‘em, AltaVista sent you!
If you click on our links, you just may get the same results from these old search engines, but maybe not. We could have taken screen shots, but let’s face it, these old search engines have taken a hit to their self esteem, and may be a bit camera shy. But don’t you be shy about visiting our site Saturday and Sunday to see our final entries celebrating our readers!