Daily Archives: July 6, 2012
Transylvanian Men Caught In Cliche Garlic Heist!
According to the Austrian Times, Austrian police have arrested five men from Transylvania for allegedly stealing 9.5 tonnes of garlic from Spain. “But I don’t know the metric system,” you worriedly say, “and therefore can’t put a reference point of how much that is in my head.”
Don’t worry, dear NTWN reader, we’re here to tell you that’s about 335,102 ounces! Which would be worth about $542 million in gold at today’s prices. We don’t know the street value of garlic in Transylvania, however, we’re thinking trans-continental thievery of gold may have been more lucrative… unless there is some secret recent Transylvanian vampire activity increasing demand for garlic.
3 Worse Things To Steal From Spain And Bring Back To Transylvania
1. Debt and Unemployment. The only thing worse than being unemployed is being an unemployed vampire washing garlic covered dishes at the local Transylvanian Italian restaurant to pay off your debts. Don’t believe us? Just ask the entire cast of Twilight after Breaking Dawn 2 comes out. Yes, spoiler alert, even the vampire baby will be unemployed. Read the rest of this entry
3 Worse Things Than Getting Fired From Your Job Due To Your Religious Beliefs
We have selected our final entry to our challenge to readers to provide us with bad news, which comes from blogger List Of X, who recently wrote a funny entry on Mitt Romney math you should check out. List Of X also challenged us to provide a blog idea for the List of X blog, so since you like the letter “X”, here you go, Listy: 10 Ridiculous Words Using The Letter “X” Authorized By The Official Scrabble Dictionary. You’re welcome!
Now to the news story. U.S. News and World Report reports that a man was fired by a police department because he wouldn’t trim his beard, which his religion forbids cutting. This is bad news, and we hope the parties involved can work it out in a way that allows the man to practice his religion.
In the mean time, while it may be difficult to make anyone in such a situation feel better, it still could be worse, so here are 3 Worse Things Than Getting Fired From Your Job Due To Your Religious Beliefs: Read the rest of this entry
