Monthly Archives: June 2012
We found this creepy video on CNN’s web site, that we encourage you to watch, of a Japanese restaurant that apparently has to abide by different health code practices than strip clubs in stringent British Columbia, Canada, which we wrote about here earlier this week.
According to CNN, the restaurant uses monkeys as wait staff, including one wearing a woman’s mask. Here’s CNN’s quote:
“A monkey wearing a women’s mask and wig will wait on you at izakaya Kayabuki in Utsnomiya, and if you’re lucky, jump on your head.”
“That would be lucky!” someone losing money on the Penny Slots at Trump Taj Mahal is thinking right now. Read the rest of this entry
3 Worse Places You Could Receive A $3 Surcharge For Rudely Talking On Your Phone Than A Vermont Deli
The Consumerist reported yesterday that a Vermont deli imposed a new surcharge for its customers warning in a sign that “$3 will be added to your total if you fail to GET OFF YOUR PHONE while at the counter. IT’S RUDE.“
We at NotTheWorstNews were just as surprised as you were to learn that there’s cell phone coverage in Vermont! Wikipedia’s Vermont entry sums it up best:
Generally, cell phone coverage in the state outside of the major metropolitan areas is weak due to interference from mountains.
We at NotTheWorstNews were just as surprised as you were to learn that there are major metropolitan areas in Vermont! The largest city, Burlington, has about 42,000 people, which means that with an attendance of 44,041, more people attended yesterday’s White Sox-Yankees game at Yankee Stadium than live in Vermont’s largest city. And you can bet if anyone ever tried to tell a New Yorker in the Bronx that they had to pay $3 for talking on the phone while ordering a sandwich, Larry David would have written an episode of Seinfeld about it. Read the rest of this entry
According to a National Geographic study reported in the LA Times, 65% of Americans believe that U.S. President Barack Obama would be better able to handle an alien attack than Mitt Romney.
In fairness to Mitt Romney, this is National Geographic, the magazine that conducts surveys that also find things like a third of young American adults think the population of America is between one billion and two billion. So you could see how some of these people who take National Geographic surveys may not be experts in predicting outcomes of alien invasions when they think that there are 1.7 billion extra Randy Quaids ready to deliver a computer virus to any aliens who mess with America this Independence Day.
The good news is National Geographic could have picked even less relevant questions, so here are:
3 Less Relevant Multiple Choice Questions National Geographic Could Ask In Surveys Read the rest of this entry
According to Metro, a Victoria, British Columbia, burlesque dancer was told that due to local liquor licensing rules she could not do her “PG-13″ show on stage, but she could strip fully naked. Apparently B.C.’s Liquor Control Board had problems with her sharing food and drinks with the audience on stage, which she says is “crucial” to her show. We at NotTheWorstNews remind the potentially disappointed audience including a few British Columbian stoners, that despite how hungry some of them may be after all that strong B.C. marijuana, it may not be such a bad thing that they can’t consume anything at a strip club. Still, if anyone participated in this show before the ruling, or similar shows, they can feel better reading these:
3 Worse Places To Consume Food Than On Stage With A Stripper Read the rest of this entry
According to ABC News, the City of Cleveland is currently considering following in the footsteps of other great cities, like Boulder, Colorado. And we’re not talking about human footsteps, but rather goat footsteps, which we guess technically should be called “hoofsteps”. Specifically, for genuine environmental reasons, goats are a better choice for lawn-mowing (aka lawn-random-grazing) than traditional lawnmowers. Where were these goats when we were kids and wanted to get out of doing chores? Read the rest of this entry
As our dear readers may recall, less than a month ago, we wrote about the fact that the OECD named Denmark the “World’s Happiest Country.” Days later, Bloomberg reported that the OECD changed their mind and gave that designation to Australia.
And the Australians were probably singing songs of glee at the Sydney Opera House until now… because the Huffington Post recently reported that the New Economics Foundation has declared Costa Rica to be the happiest country in the world! Read the rest of this entry
So, check your Facebook account lately? Perhaps you were spending too much time enjoying the NotTheWorstNews‘ Facebook page, and not enough time being a narcissist to notice that Facebook changed your primary e-mail account visible in your profile, without your permission, to an account ending in (@Facebook.com). We have good news: follow this link to see how to restore your original email address. And we also remind you it could have been worse:
3 Worse Things Facebook Could Have Changed Without Your Permission Than The Email Address On Your Profile Read the rest of this entry
ABC reports that a California teenager got his arm stuck in a vending machine trying to steal a can of soda. Fortunately after extensive work from the fire department, the boy’s arm was freed, with just minor scrapes, prior to him being hauled off to jail. Also, fortunately for the boy, this is NotTheWorstNews, so we can tell him, it could have been worse. Here are three worse places for a criminal to get their arm stuck during a theft…
According to the Telegraph, a 32-year-old man, was officially declared to be dead after steps to declare him deceased were taken by vindictive family members upset that he wanted to marry a woman known as an “untouchable.” He has spent nine years trying to prove to government officials that he’s alive, with no success at reversing the declaration. So he has a plan to solve his problem: register as one of the 12 candidates for the presidency of India!
The Telegraph report states: “His manifesto contains only one pledge – to be recognised as alive – and he has no desire to be president.” That sounds like a lot of work, in a country of over a billion people! If this fellow was actually alive, (which he has apparently not yet sufficiently proven to the Telegraph), we would remind him it could be worse, so here’s:
3 Worse Things That Could Happen To A Man Running To Be President Of India To Prove He Is Not Dead
1. He could lose this election to a real dead candidate. Zombies have been pretty popular in cinema for the past few decades. So since this family hates this man so much, why not nominate a zombie to run the country? Sure, it would be embarrassing to lose an election to someone whose only manifesto is “Brains!” And more embarrassing when the zombie is declared to be alive, while our protagonist is declared to be “still dead”. And of course, if the man gets bitten by President Zombie, the Supreme Court of India will have to deal with constitutional issues never imagined when the country’s constitution went into effect in 1950.
About 500,000 bees boarded a flight from Sweden to Greenland on Wednesday, according to Swedish news source, The Local. Apparently, the bees didn’t even have a direct flight, as they had a stopover in Denmark, the world’s former happiest country.
“What’s the bad news?” you may ask, “I fly with hundreds of thousands of bees all the time and always have to stop over in Cincinnati!”
Well, apparently, transporting that many bees requires “a lot of paperwork” and vetting by a bee inspector and a veterinarian surgeon. Okay, we get the paperwork part. Taking 500,000 bee passport photos is not exactly a picnic for any IKEA Photo Center employee. For them, a picnic would be more like getting stung by just five bees while having an actual picnic. But what kind of surgery performed by a veterinarian do these bees require? We’re certain that if taking passport photos of bees agitates a few bees, than performing surgery on half-a-million of their closest friends may also lead to a few stings, and delay a flight to Greenland by at least a few months. Still for anyone who may have been stung physically or metaphorically by this trans-atlantic bee-flight, we remind you, it could be worse. Here are:
3 Worse In-Flight Companions Than 500,000 Bees
1. Fifty Samuel L. Jacksons Impersonators. All of them screaming his famous Snakes On A Plane line of being tired of all these muthaf****n snakes on the muthaf****n plane. Don’t worry, there are no snakes on the plane, but all this yelling leads to one crying baby in every row. Which leads to 50 Justin Bieber Impersonators singing the song Baby to help settle them down, which never works! Hey, it’s not your fault you happened to be flying to Orlando during the 12 Annual Sunburst Convention of Celebrity Impersonators.