According to the St. Louis Post-Dispatch, a man delivering boxes of Christmas ornaments to Goodwill may have inadvertently included $14,505 of cash in a box. The bad news: Goodwill can’t find the man to give him the money back, even after running videos of his truck donating the boxes in the St. Louis media. If they don’t find him in 30 days, the money will.. ack… go to charity! Could it be worse? Actually, this entire situation doesn’t sound so bad to us, but maybe it’s because we decorate our Christmas trees with Olympic gold medals.
But you are reading NotTheWorstNews.com, the site that looks at the news and conceives of potentially worse news, to make everyone feel better about the original “bad” news, so here are:
Three Worse Things You Could Inadvertently Donate To Goodwill
1. Your porn collection. You thought you could hide it in boxes of Christmas ornaments, because nobody’s looking in those for another six or seven months! Oops! Another family member just grabbed the boxes and donated them to Goodwill, a charity that apparently announces everything inadvertently donated to them to all of the St. Louis media, and even show video of the person donating it. This will be embarrassing not just when all your friends eventually discover you have a porn collection, but also that you apparently don’t know how to use the internet, where we’ve learned they have this kind of “art” is widely available for free, whenever we Google “Dick’s Sporting Goods” and see what else comes up.
2. A $14,505 gift card for Dick’s Sporting Goods. Hey, if you are a member of the top 1%, and decorate your Christmas tree with $100 bill origami, you’re probably going to frequently get $14,505 gift cards for a store you don’t like. “Thanks, Grandpa, I’ll definitely use my $14,505 Dick’s Sporting Goods Gift Card to buy 2,900 bottles of doe urine,” you say, as you discretely toss the card under the tree, right next to the bottle of buck urine your Grandmother bought you. Of course, when a herd of deer in heat slam through the walls of your house, into your Christmas decorated living room, followed by hunters in camouflage, it’s easy to understand how the gift card got mixed into the Goodwill box after the worse Christmas ever!
3. You work for Dick’s Sporting Goods and inadvertently stocked your chain of stores with 2,417 worth of keychains advertising your major competitor Bass Pro Shops. (See screen cap of Dick’s Sporting Goods Below.) It seemed like a good idea, because technically, these were NASCAR key chains and Bass Pro sponsors Nascar driver Jamie McMurray.
However after further thought, it occurs to you that this may not be popular with management, so you race across the country to every Dick’s store with NASCAR driver Jamie McMurray to collect the key chains, and dispose of them all in what you believe to be a giant blue recycling bin, but is in fact a Goodwill box. This of course leads to Goodwill issuing a press release telling every St. Louis media outlet about their find, which leads to further advertising for competitor Bass Pro. And while Dick’s may not be impressed, the folks at Bass Pro may be all too happy to hire you to manage their own Coyote urine section. Which is good news until you go camping on Memorial Day weekend, wreaking of coyote urine, and Wile E. Coyote races in through the entrance the Roadrunner painted on the exterior of your tent.